Dancing Away With My Heart
by Jackie Mag
Summary: Brian & Justin have their 1st year together, per series, but, in this story, Justin goes away to college and they lose touch. How will the guys get back together and what will happen after the years have passed? Part of the story told thru their diary/journal entries. Song fic based on Lady Antebellum song of the same name.
1. Chapter 1

_~~ June 24, 2001~~_

Justin's senior prom was over. He and Brian went to the parking garage. Justin was grinning. "Did you see their faces?"

Brian smiled back. "We gave them a prom they'll never forget."

"Me, neither. It was the best night of my life."

"Even if it was ridiculously romantic."

They kissed.

"Later."

"Later."

Brian opened his car door and turned and looked at Justin's sunshine smile over his shoulder. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Brian saw someone walking towards Justin with a baseball bat. He recognized the guy from the night Justin confronted him on Liberty Avenue. It was Chris Hobbes and he was heading for Justin. Brian ran towards Chris and grabbed the bat out of his hand before he had a chance to reach Justin.

"What do you think you're doing, asshole?"

Brian swung the bat at Chris's shin and hit him hard enough to send him to the ground. Justin heard the commotion and spun around. Chris got up and scampered off, limping all the while.

Justin ran into Brian's arms. "He was going to … Oh, my God!" He trembled as Brian held him.

Brian said, "That asshole could have killed you. I'm calling the cops." He got his cell phone out and began to dial. He asked, "That was Chris Hobbes, wasn't it?"

Justin nodded.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_June 25, 2001_

_Dr. Anderson said that I should keep a diary to help me sort out my feelings after nearly getting my head bashed in. It was pretty traumatic for me. He told me that I should give my diary a name, so I decided to call it a name to reflect what I'm feeling._

_Dear "Rage", _

_I'm imagining that my rage is a person. He takes everything I hate and turns them into positive things for me. He looks like Brian and has superhero powers. I tell him what's bothering me and he makes it right. He fights evil for the good of mankind._

_The first thing I want to get down on paper is _

_Thank God for Brian_

_If he hadn't been there and seen Chris Hobbes come up to me with a baseball bat, I don't know what would have happened. No, correction, I DO know. Chris could have killed me, or left me a vegetable or permanently disabled. But Brian saw him and grabbed his arm before he had a chance to swing at me. Then Brian hit Chris in the leg with his own bat and sent him limping off. I was so scared. Brian had to hold me for a long time before I stopped shaking. He insisted that we call the cops and report what happened. The cops came and then went to Chris's house and brought him in for questioning. He might get charged with attempted assault._

_My mom is so freaked out. She had me move out of Debbie's to be back home. Mom doesn't want me seeing Brian. She drives me to school and picks me up. She won't let me out of the house. I have to get out of here, though. I have to see Brian again. I love him so much._

_He won't return my phone calls, but I'll bet it's because my mom told him to stay away from me. _

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_June 29, 2001_

_Dear Rage, _

_I snuck out tonight to go see Brian. He answered the door to his loft and asked me what the heck I was doing there. Then he told me to go away and slammed the door. I know that he did that because my mom told him to. She probably convinced him it's for the best._

_I came home and tore up my room. I even shoved my mom away when she tried to get me to calm down. I'm so pissed at her right now. I'm never getting better like this. I need to see Brian and be with him, really be with him, again. _

_JT_


	2. Chapter 2

~~June 30, 2001~~

Jennifer Taylor got a phone call the next day. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Taylor, this is Brian Kinney."

"I won't let you talk to him, Brian. I told you not to call."

"I know. I just thought you should know that he came to my loft yesterday."

"He what? … I thought he was at Daphne's."

"He was here."

"What did you do? You didn't…"

"No. Nothing happened. I kicked him out, per your request. Then, he stood outside my door and yelled at me that he knew why I was rejecting him – because you told me to. He's on to our agreement."

"When he came home from being out he was upset and told me that he knew that I must have told you to stay away. I didn't know that he went to the loft. I just assumed he tried calling you from Daphne's."

"He'll keep escaping and bouncing back here or seek me out somewhere."

"I suppose you're right."

"I'm just telling you that I'll do what I can to push him away, but I don't know how many times I can do that."

Brian thought back to the day before and how much it hurt to literally slam the door on Justin. The kid had been through a lot. He didn't want to add to his pain. He could tell that Justin had a tenacity to him that wouldn't allow him to be shut out. Brian kind of admired that and was flattered at Justin's devotion to him.

"I just wish he didn't, that he wasn't …"

"Well, he did and he is and he's still going to be."

"I just want him to be safe."

"So do I. Listen, I have to go to work. I just wanted to let you know he was here."

"OK, Brian."

"Goodbye, Mrs. Taylor."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~July 2, 2001~~

Two days later, Brian was with the guys at Babylon and decided to troll the backroom looking for some satisfaction. He was passing yet another group of sweaty, sexually charged men, when he heard a familiar voice.

"There you are, Brian."

He turned to see the source of the voice. It was Justin. Brian smirked, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you."

"Well, you found me, now run along home."

"My mom can't keep me away from you."

"Apparently not." Brian pushed Justin against the wall. "What do you want, anyway?"

"More importantly, what do you want?" Justin's eyes traveled from Brian's face down to the front of his jeans.

Brian's eyes followed his gaze. "Not you, little boy." He decided he give Justin another push to get him away from him. He was trying to honor Jennifer Taylor's wishes. Besides, he wasn't going to let 'the boy' initiate anything.

Justin looked him over once again. "Fine. I'll find someone else." He walked a few feet away and walked up to a guy with red hair. "Hey, how are you? You're hot. Want a bit of fun?"

The guy eyed him over. "Sure." He pulled off his shirt. Justin did the same. They started to kiss.

Brian watched the little scene and his blood started to boil. _Who does that twat think he is, anyway? I get to reject him, but he doesn't get to reject me. Sorry, Mother Taylor, but he's mine and I'm reclaiming him. _He walked up to the redhead and slowly growled, "Fuck off." The trick looked at Brian and then walked away. Justin gave a quick half smile and turned toward Brian, who said, "Come here." He crashed his mouth onto Justin's and they locked together in a passionate kiss, tongues swiping at each other. As the kiss ended, Justin nuzzled Brian's neck and kissed his way down his lover's chest and stomach. He then unfastened Brian's jeans and found the prize inside. The licking and sucking on the stiff cock in front of him made his lover close his eyes in elation.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_July 2, 2001_

_Dear Rage, _

_I got to see Brian again. I waited for him in the backroom of Babylon. He resisted at first, but I could see the want in his eyes. After a quick jealousy ploy, which totally worked, he kissed me and I dropped to my knees and gave him a blow job. It was fantastic. Afterwards, he whispered, "What are your mother and I going to do with you?"_

_I told him that I told her where I was going as I was leaving the house and that there was nothing she could do about it. She knew where I was going. I'm 18 and almost a college student. She can't control me._

_God, it felt so good to be with Brian again. After our little backroom session we went back to the loft and made love. It was amazing and so damn perfect._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~ Summer 2001 ~~

The summer after high school graduation, Justin continued to see Brian. Justin continued to live with his mom, but would spend occasional nights with Brian. They'd meet up at Babylon or Woody's with the rest of the gang sometimes. Brian still tricked around, but also found a deeper satisfaction in his unconventional relationship with Justin, although he'd never admit it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_July 10, 2001_

_Dear Rage, _

_I got great news today; I can get a full scholarship to art school at the Art Institute of Chicago. My dad is still pissed at me for being gay and my 'disgusting lifestyle.' He won't pay for any college education unless it's a business degree at Dartmouth. Screw that. I'm an artist, that's what I want to do. Brian agrees with me that doing what I want to do is probably the scariest thing, but it's what I need to do for __me__ – for __my__ future._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_July 27, 2001_

_Dear Rage, _

_My mom is talking about moving. She says that Pittsburgh just reminds her of dad, the bashing attempt and a bunch of negative things. I'm sure she wants to get me away from Brian, too. She says she and Molly are moving while I'm in Chicago. She still doesn't know where. It depends on where she can get a job. She'll move my things, too, and let me know before I come home for Christmas break._

_If I'm not coming back to Pittsburgh, I'll be so sad. It's my home. I'll miss Daphne, Debbie, Emmett and the guys. Most of all, of course, I'll miss Brian._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_August 1, 2001_

_Dear Rage__, _

_Mom is not going to let__ anyone know from Pittsburgh know where we're going. She doesn't want Dad or Chris Hobbes to know where we're going. She's trying to convince me that this is the best way. I suppose she's right. I told her that I'd do my best to do what she wants._

_Then, I saw Daphne today. She gave me a small scrapbook of photos from our senior year of high school. It was so sweet of her. As I was leaving, I told Daphne that I would let her know our new address, just so I can keep up with what is happening here. But she understands that she is not supposed to let anyone know that she and I are in contact. It's our little secret._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~August 24, 2001~~

Brian heard a knock at the loft door. As he opened it, he saw Justin in front of him. "What's wrong now?"

"I'm going to be going away to college and my mom's moving all of our shit to some God-forsaken town that I don't even know where the fuck it is and I won't be able to see you and …" Tears began to form in his eyes.

"Come here." Brian put his arms around him. After a few seconds, he said, "Go sit on the couch. I'll be right there."

Justin nodded and plopped on the couch as Brian closed the loft door. He grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge and offered one to Justin as he sat down next to him.

Brian had been thinking about Justin going away to college and what that was going to mean. Justin was eighteen years old and needed to make his way in the world. He knew the kid would want to cling – want to return – but it couldn't be. If he told Justin that his 'door was always open' it'd be bad for two reasons. One, Brian would appear weak or soft and he couldn't have that. Two, Justin wouldn't strike out and think for himself. If he kept returning or asking Brian for advice, the 'boy' would never become his _own_ man.

He liked Justin. He liked having him regularly in his bed. He wasn't looking forward to sending the kid away forever, but he knew he had to do it. The tough part was going to be to convince the kid of the same thing.

"Justin, here's the deal..."

"Yes, Brian?" Justin sniffled.

"Now that you're going away to college, that has to be the end for you and me, for … whatever this is."

"Why? I love you. I have to able to see you again."

"It isn't going to happen that way. When you leave today, you can't come back."

"Did my mom tell you to say this? Because if she…"

"No, Justin. This is _me_ telling you that you have to find your own way in the world, without me. Date other guys. Have new life experiences that don't involve me or Pittsburgh."

"I thought you liked me and liked having me around."

"You're a good kid. I will say that the times that you've been here were, for the most part, rather pleasant." He looked intently at Justin. "You're smart and talented. You have the tools to be successful. Now go do it."

"But, what about _us_?"

"There's no _us_, Justin. Sure, we've had some good times together, but don't read too much into it."

"You're who I want, what I want. I don't know if I can give you up."

"You have to break away clean. You're moving away. You can't keep flying back to the Pitts for some non-existent romance or big brotherly advice or whatever. You have to start fresh."

"I … I'll miss you."

"And I'll probably notice that you're not around. But it's for the best. Justin, I want you to be the best damn homosexual you can be."

"Oh, Brian." Justin put his head on Brian's shoulder and cried softly.

They talked for a while longer, but Brian held his ground. Justin slowly came around to understanding what Brian was telling him. After more discussion, Justin fell silent as his tears formed again. They held each other for a while and didn't say a word.

After a few minutes of silence, Justin spoke. "OK. I understand. I have to go. This has to be the end." He sighed.

"Let me give you an official goodbye." Brian took Justin by the hand and they made love one more time. Brian wanted one more chance to have this boy in his bed. He wanted to taste his skin, smell his hair, hear him moan and kiss his sweet lips. He had to send Justin away, but it didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy the best piece of ass that he could ever remember having. And he'd had his share.

After a hot and heavy session in bed, they concluded in the shower. Brian then pulled on his jeans on as Justin finished getting dressed.

Justin put on his jacket to leave. "Maybe we'll be able to know what happens to the other through the grapevine."

"Don't count on it."

They stood up and walked toward the door. Brian reached for Justin and kissed him passionately one last time. They hugged.

"Goodbye, Brian. I will always love you."

"Goodbye, Justin."

Justin walked down the stairs, looking over his shoulder one last time. Brian gave a half-hearted smile and closed the loft door. He went to the bar and poured himself a shot of Jim Beam. He knocked it back in one shot. "Fuck."


	3. Chapter 3

~~ Early Fall 2001 ~~

Justin took off for college a couple of days later. Brian went into 'pain management' mode with drugs, alcohol and men. He needed to alleviate the emptiness he felt in his life, but got very little satisfaction from those activities. His biggest problem was a lack of sleep. He'd toss and turn for hours, never achieving a good sound sleep. It was affecting his job performance and he was just sluggish all of the time. His doctor prescribed Ambien, which helped a little, but it still wasn't enough.

One day he found himself nodding off during a boring meeting at work. That was the last straw. He had to do something. He remembered that one of the guys he fucked at the baths told him that he was a psychotherapist and he decided to talk to him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_October 4, 2001_

_A journal. That shrink told me to keep a fucking journal. I'd rather keep a journal of my fucking. Hell, I can do that too, I guess. Maybe if I'd actually __paid__ to see a shrink I'd get better advice. But Alex, from the baths, seems like he knows what he's doing. I had to see somebody. The total lack of sleep was killing me. Ambien knocks me out OK, but then I wake up a few hours later and can't go back to sleep. I have a nasty suspicion that it's something in my head that I need to work out. He suggested a journal, so here we are. I'm just going to keep it on a separate drive that I have password protected. Not that anyone is ever here at the loft anyway, but, you never know. So, that's enough of an entry for today. Here's hoping I sleep._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_October 26, 2001 _

_It was a pretty good day today. I nailed the new account with Dandy Lube. Then I went to Babylon and nailed a couple of guys. _

_Trick #1 was about 6 foot and had black hair. _

_Info: looked Italian, cute ass _

_Cocksucking: *** (scale of 1 to 5)_

_Ass: **** _

_Overall: 4 / 5_

_Trick #2 was about 5'8"and had blond hair. _

_Info: good dancer, flat ass, we'll call him 'Sure As Hell Not Justin'_

_Cocksucking: *** _

_Ass: * _

_Overall: 2 / 5_

_Here I find this twink and think, 'OK. He's got the look and he dances pretty well, so maybe there's a hope of him giving me the same satisfaction I got from Justin'. No dice. He never moaned or made a sound. He did more licking than sucking. I'm not a damn lollipop. He wasn't tight. Nothing about him felt right or smelled right. Total disappointment._

_Justin went away to college two months ago. It does seem quieter without him around. He was always popping up at Woody's or Babylon, following me like a puppy dog. What the hell. I still have men that idolize me, so I'm good. I think._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_December 20, 2001_

_Dear Rage, _

_The first semester of school is over. I'm finally going to see my room at mom's new place in Toronto. She says it's very nice there and loves the neighborhood. It's good that it seems to be a bit friendlier to gays. I don't want to dodge another bashing. _

_I've got my plane ticket. I must have thought about switching it to Pittsburgh about a hundred times. I still miss Brian and just want to see him. I just want to hold him again. I want even more that he'll hold me back. This has been so tough. But, I have to be strong. I'll go to my new home for Christmas and work on my new life. _

_I'm just sending my thoughts to him now – Merry Christmas, Brian._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_December 24, 2001_

_Stupid fucking holidays. Everyone is all cheery and happy with the holiday spirit, whateverthefuck… the only holiday spirit I know is the one that merchants and corporations take advantage of to get people to spend their hard earned money on crap no one wants, all in the name of "family and love". I should know I've spent every day this fucking month selling that very idea to the average Joe and Jane so they can feel good about themselves and make up for all the shit they do throughout the rest of year. Debbie's house looks like Santa threw up. I ducked out after dinner at her place and went to Babylon. _

_I nailed one guy. He was about my height with brown hair. _

_Info: smelled good, blue eyes_

_Cocksucking: *** _

_Ass: *** _

_Overall: 3 / 5_

_Another one that was disappointing. After our little session, I drove by Justin's mom's townhouse just to see if anyone was there. Nobody. Not like, 'lights off, everyone's asleep'. It's fucking empty. The bitch moved. I mean, I knew they were going to move, but it was disconcerting seeing it vacated._

_I know that Justin and I ended it and said we'd move on. I've moved on. That doesn't mean that I don't wonder how he's doing. I thought maybe I'd just call him or send a Christmas card or something. Say 'hey' during his Christmas break. Now I have no idea where he is. Fuck. Maybe Lindsay or Debbie will know._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_December 26, 2001_

_Frustrating day today. I asked Debbie if she'd heard from Justin. Nope. Mikey neither. I called Lindsay and she said that she'd heard he's finished his first semester but didn't know anything beyond that. I heard that Daphne went away to college and I don't know how to contact her._

_Skipped going out tonight. Came home and whacked off to some blond guy on the internet doing the same. OK, yeah, Justin tripped across my mind during that._

_Where the fuck is he?_

_- B_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dancing Away With My Heart_

_I finally asked you to dance on the last slow song_

_Beneath that moon that was really a disco ball_

_I can still feel my head on your shoulder_

_And hoping that song would never be over_

_I haven't seen you in ages_

_Sometimes I find myself wondering where you are_

_For me you'll always be eighteen and beautiful_

_And dancing away with my heart_

_I brushed your hair back so I could see your eyes_

_And the way you moved me was like you were reading my mind_

_I can still feel you lean in to kiss me_

_I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me_

_I haven't seen you in ages_

_Sometimes I find myself wondering where you are_

_For me you'll always be eighteen and beautiful_

_And dancing away with my heart_

_You headed off to college at the end of that summer_

_And we lost touch_

_I guess I didn't realize even at the moment we lost so much_

_I haven't seen you in ages_

_Sometimes I find myself wondering where you are_

_For me you'll always be eighteen and beautiful_

_And dancing away with my heart_

_Away with my heart ("Dancing Away with My Heart" – Lady Antebellum)_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~~~ 2002 ~~~~

Life went on for both Brian and Justin. Brian continued to work for ad agencies and was quite successful. Justin did well in school and went home to Toronto in between college semesters. He got a summer job working for local galleries helping with guided tours, working the gift shop, and generally helping with shows. He enjoyed his new life in Toronto.

~~~~ 2003 ~~~~

Stockwell ran for mayor and Justin wasn't around to inspire Brian to 'sacrifice everything' to end the Stockwell campaign.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_June 22, 2003_

_Well, that asshole Stockwell won the election. He's such a prick and no one can see it. I think he had something to do with covering up that kid Jason Kemp's murder, but now we'll never know. Babylon and Woody's will probably be closed within the next few days. 'Family friendly' apparently means no fun for gays whatsoever. _

_I've been feeling a little lonely lately. Now with no social contact with the available men out there I'll be even lonelier._

_Damn it._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_January 2, 2004_

_I saw Daphne today. She came into the Liberty Diner with some gals she made friends with years ago at the GLC. I still think she's a lesbian wanna-be. I spotted her the second she walked in. She looked at me with this 'deer in the headlights' look that told me that she knows where he is. _

_I asked about Justin. At first she pretended like she didn't know who I was talking about, but then told me he's OK and busy with school. I don't know where he's living when he's not attending college in Chicago._

_I miss the little shit._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_January 7, 2004_

_Dear Rage,_

_Daphne said she ran into Brian this week at the Diner. He asked about me. She said that she can tell he misses me. I miss him, too. I erased his cell phone number from my phone years ago, but I can still remember it. I can still remember everything about him. I hope he's OK. I hope he's happy._

_JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~~~ 2004 ~~~~

Brian decided to start his own ad agency and called it Kinney & Company. He took Cynthia with him and hired Ted as Chief Financial Officer. The new agency took off and was very successful from the start.

He continued to go to the back room to seek satisfaction. A trick named Shane was a doctor and told Brian that he had a lump on his testicle. Brian had it checked out and surgery was recommended.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 2, 2004_

_Cancer. It hurts to look at that word on the screen. It hurts to know that I have it. They'll remove the ball and give me a fake one in its place. I'm going to John's Hopkins because I've heard that they're the best at this. I've told Cynthia and everyone that I'm vacationing in Ibiza so they won't wonder where I am. I don't want anyone to pity me so I'm not telling them. I have to do this alone. _

_It's not just the pity, it's the what if… what if… Fuck! I can't even type it much less think it. Suffice it to say that all the loose ends are tied, should the worst happen, although would it be the worst? Everyone's been taken care of, including Justin, if anyone can contact him should, well, you know. I don't want to think about it, but can't do much of anything else. _

_I've been thinking about Justin more and more through this whole thing. Thank whoeverthefuck that he's not here. The last thing I need would be this perfect, sweet, beautiful blond boy reminding me how old I am and how so not perfect I am. Justin with his youth, sunshine smile, perfect ass, and two perfectly functioning balls. But… god! What I wouldn't give to hold him once more. _

_I did go see Gus, though, just in case. Who the fuck knows what will happen, but that helped, a little. Fuck! This fucking sucks! _

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 30, 2004_

_They did the surgery. It still hurts like hell, but at least they say they're sure they got it all in time. They keep telling me that everything will be OK. Stupid patronizing assholes. And if one more fucking person asks me if I have my wife with me – or someone to take care of me – I'll strangle them. This whole thing can make you feel alone, the LAST thing I need is another nurse to pity me because I'm not married. The last one jumped on my last good nerve. I told her, "I'm gay, OK? Not that it's any of your fucking business." She just gives me this look and asks me if I have a partner. No, lady, I don't. … Not anymore._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_June 30, 2004_

_I FINALLY got a hard on for the first time since the surgery. It happened while arguing with my mother, of all things. Standing up to her made me stand up – if you know what I mean. I celebrated by going out to a couple of the bars and scoring with a couple of guys. _

_Trick #1. All I wanted at first was a blow job. _

_Info: Shorter than me, but on his knees his height was juuuuuussst right_

_Cocksucking: **** _

_Ass: never looked _

_Overall: 4 / 5_

_Trick #2. Had to look for another hour, but I finally found a worthy ass. _

_Info: Curvy butt, black hair_

_Cocksucking: **_

_Ass: *** _

_Overall: 3 / 5_

_So, a pretty good day. I'd like to share this news with someone, but I'm hardly going to phone Mikey to tell him that I have a hard on. If I see him or the guys, I'll be happy to share my good news, but it's not something I want to __call__ anyone about._

_God, now that I'm able to get hard I just want to fuck all night, but there's no one worthy of taking home. At least there wasn't tonight._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~~~ 2005 ~~~~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_July 19, 2005_

_That bombing at Babylon was a really fucked up thing to have happened. I've been at the hospital for two days, waiting to see if Mikey is going to be OK. _

_I find that the more I open up about how I feel in this journal, the better it works. So, here goes… I love Mikey like a brother and I'll die inside a little if he dies. God, I love him so fucking much. He understands me in ways that no one ever has. He's Lois Lane to my Superman. What would I do without him? I hope he's OK._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

After the bombing, Lindsay and Mel reconciled their marriage and decided to move to Toronto. Daphne was away at school, but contacted 'the old gang' in Pittsburgh to make sure everyone was OK after what happened. Daphne talked to Lindsay and found out they were moving to Toronto. She gave Lindsay Justin's address and phone number. She figured that as long as they were in the same town, they might as well reconnect. Lindsay was always a good friend and mentor to Justin.

Lindsay called Justin as soon as they reached Toronto. They met and agreed that they wouldn't tell Brian that they'd re-established their friendship, at least not right away. Justin was happy to see Gus and Mel again. He was also very excited for them that they had a new lovely daughter, Jenny Rebecca. They had dinners together and Justin even babysat for them a couple of times when they were in a bind. He loved spending time with the kids and they adored their 'Uncle' Justin.

After Justin graduated from the Art Institute he contacted galleries in Toronto and found one that was looking for an investor to be a part owner. He scraped together his resources and bought in as a partner with Christian Banner in the newly named Banner/Taylor Gallery. With Justin's eye for art and a little assistance from Lindsay, the gallery did very well.

~~~~ 2006 ~~~~

Justin was successful in Toronto and sold many paintings at the gallery. He got into dealing art, as well. After saving up some more he decided to buy a two flat apartment with a sunroom on the back of the ground floor for his studio. Both apartments had two bedrooms. Justin had the first floor's floor plan changed so that the second bedroom was taken up by a new closet and a larger bathroom with walk-in shower like Brian had at the loft.

Dating life for Justin was OK. He met some eligible, attractive men through the gallery and friends that hung out on Church Street. One fellow, Wes, got pretty serious with Justin and they decided to live together. Things went well for a time, but Wes's acting career took off and he got an offer to play a part on a T.V. show in Miami. He and Justin decided to end their relationship and parted as friends.

Lindsay and Mel loved Toronto and embraced the community there. They decided to have a ceremony and a legal marriage. Lindsay wanted Brian as her best man and Mel asked Leda to stand up for her. They asked Justin to help out by ushering.

On one hand Justin wasn't sure if he was ready to see Brian again, but on the other hand, he was nervous and excited about it. He didn't know how Brian would react to seeing him. He and Lindsay only talked about Brian in passing … mostly when discussing his occasional visits to Gus. He didn't want to know if Brian had moved on, he didn't want to know if Brian found someone worthy of his love and attention. He would be a fool if he thought that they would fall madly in love the moment they saw each other. Justin also hoped that maybe they could spend time together. If for any reason Brian showed any interest, Justin would consider being with Brian again. But he also knew he had a life here and Brian had a life in the Pitts. Maybe it was for the best that they just remain as friends to the bridal party, and not cross paths, no matter how much that thought hurt.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_March 26, 2006_

_I can't believe how much Gardner Vance is willing to pay me for Kinney & Company. To think that I've only been operating my own shingle for two years and he'll give me ten million to take it over. I'm set. If I invest and have a lifestyle similar to what I have now I should be OK for years. Gardner will keep Cynthia and Ted on to help with this expansion; in fact I'll make sure of that in the contract. He'd be a fool to get rid of them, and neither of them really want to move that far away from the Pitts._

_Fuck Pittsburgh. Fuck Stockwell (no, thanks). Fuck the gays here (I probably did). Gus and Lindsay are in Toronto and they love it there. I'm packing up my shit and moving there. I miss Gus too much. I don't want him to forget me and have a life without his father. _

_I have a couple of advertising contacts in Toronto who have expressed an interest in me lending them my consulting talents if I want to bring in some more dough. Cool._

_The bars on Toronto's Church Street are good and always packed with hot guys. I checked them out the night before Mikey's wedding and another time when I came to visit Gus. It'll be good to be in a new town with fresh meat. A man can get bored after a while._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_March 28, 2006_

_Dear Rage, _

_Brian is going to be moving to Toronto! I can't believe it. It'll be good to see him again after all of these years. I've seen some photos that Lindsay showed me when Brian came up to be with Gus. He still looks great. _

_I know we've been avoiding each other on purpose all of these years. But, now that he'll be in town, I don't see how we can help but running into each other. Besides, we'll both be at the wedding. _

_Lindsay asked me about my upstairs tenant. He moved out a month ago, so I have an apartment available. I told her how much I charge for rent and all of the particulars. She says she's going to tell Brian about it. He's told her that he wants to rent something at first and determine where would be a good place to buy once he's in town. I'd be happy to be his landlord for a while. _

_That's funny considering when I was seventeen and running away from home, he's the one that took me in. Now, he needs a place and I have one available. _

_God, I can't wait to see him. _

_JT_


	5. Chapter 5b

~~April 24, 2006~~

Brian was in Pittsburgh packing the last of his things when get got a call. He read the caller I.D. and answered, "Hey, Lindsay."

"Brian. How are you?"

"Up to my ass in boxes. What's up?"

"I found an apartment that I think you'll like. The rent is what you were looking to spend. It's the second floor and you'd have your own stairs and entrance. It's a two bedroom with a balcony in the back. Our house is only about ten minutes away, so you'd be close."

"Sounds perfect. Thanks for doing the research for me. Text me the address and information."

"I think you'll like the landlord, too."

"Yeah, who is it?"

"Justin Taylor."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_April 24, 2006_

_So Justin has been living in Toronto. I always wondered what happened to him. He got his art degree and has found some success. I hope he's the biggest fucking success he can be. It always pisses off the heterosexuals. _

_Speaking of heteros … I checked up on that asshole, Chris Hobbes, to see what he's doing. He's in construction – one notch above the guy who shovels concrete for a living. I hope he falls into a vat and they never find his body._

_Anyway, back to Justin. He's got a two flat and he can rent me the second floor for a while until I figure out what I want to do for any kind of permanent housing. Maybe I'll get a place near Lindsay, or closer to Church Street … or maybe close to Justin's building. Might as well know the neighbors, right?_

_It'll be good to see him again._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~ April 28, 2006 ~~

Emmett threw Brian a going away party at Woody's. Michael and Ben were there, as well as Debbie and Carl. Ted and Blake leaned on the bar sipping their seltzer water. Cal, Emmett's southern beau, was there, too.

Cynthia was there with her boyfriend, Kevin, who looked nervous about being in a gay bar. After a while of laughing to himself about Kevin's apprehensions, Brian leaned over to him and in a stage whisper said, "Don't worry. We won't try to convert you." Cynthia snickered.

Emmett spoke first. "Brian, Pittsburgh won't be the same without you. We won't have you to criticize us. How will we ever have low self-esteem again?" Everyone laughed. "But, seriously. Here's to your happiness in your new city."

Ted was next. "First of all, thanks for giving me a job and then making sure I still _had one_ after you sold the business. We'll miss you, you son of a bitch. I hope you're happy in Toronto."

Cynthia took a turn. "Yes, thanks for making sure Ted and I had a job with Vance. I don't know how I'll adapt to my new boss. So far, he asks me for the same kind of work every day and it's incredibly dull." She sighed. "But, I'll adapt. I already miss you."

Deb spoke, as well as Ben and Carl, all wishing him well.

Michael was last. "Brian, I always knew that you'd be, as you'd put it, a big, fat fucking success. I'm very happy for you. It's great that you're choosing to be there for your son. Keep an eye on J.R. for me while you're there, OK?" Brian smiled and nodded. "Here's to Brian Kinney, the former stud of Liberty Avenue. Long may he … wave." Everyone toasted.

Brian stood and hugged Michael. "You are all so pathetic. Michael, I'm sure you and Ben will be happy in your picture of domestic bliss. Come up and stay with me when you want to visit that little girl of yours. Emmett, Cal, Ted, Blake, Cynthia, Carl … thanks and good luck to you. Debbie … Mom … you've helped me a lot over the years. For that, I thank you. For the slaps on the back of the head, however, I do _not_ thank you."

"You probably deserved them."

"Probably." He smiled. "I look forward to spending time with Gus and Lindsay. Oh, and I didn't tell you guys who owns the building I'm moving into." He looked up as if he was having a hard time remembering the name. "Uhh ... Justin Taylor." The crowd reacted with questioning comments. _'Is that where he's been living?'_ … '_How is he?'_

"Yes, it seems that our young Justin is part owner of a gallery and owns a two flat. I'll be renting his top floor."

"It won't be the first time you've been on top of Justin." Emmett commented.

Brian chuckled. "Probably not."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~ April 30, 2006 ~~

Brian drove his Corvette up Lindsay's driveway. He went inside Lindsay and Mel's home and spent some time with Gus, who was _so_ excited that Daddy was living in Toronto. Lindsay and Mel chatted about how great Toronto was and how much Brian was going to like it.

Lindsay rambled on, "… and Justin is great. He'll be there when we get there today, but then he has to go to his gallery."

"Is he seeing anyone?"

"He was living with this guy Wes, who's this really handsome young actor, but he got a job offer out of state, so they broke up."

"How long ago was that?"

"Just a few weeks ago. But, I think Justin is OK with it now. It wasn't like Wes was the love of his life or anything. Why are you asking?"

"Well if the guy's going to be my landlord, I thought I should know what he's got going on with his life, that's all."

"Uh, huh. OK." Lindsay looked at the time and said they had to leave if they were going to catch Justin before he had to leave for the gallery.

As Brian followed Lindsay's car he looked at the neighborhood and wondered what the city held for him.

She pulled into a small parking lot behind the building. "Here we are - your new home."

Brian got out of his car and looked at the building. It was a pleasant looking brick two flat. There were external stairs leading up to a second floor apartment. On the ground floor, coming out of the back of the building, was a generous sunroom. It had a couple of easels in it and was obviously a studio space for Justin.

The door opened and, in the doorway, stood a grinning Justin. Brian smiled at the sight of him. The blond hair was a little longer and shaggier than it had been. He looked more like a man and less like the boy he had been when Brian last saw him. There was a little more definition in his chest and arms, giving him a fit, manly look. Brian took it all in and appreciated the sight.

He walked up to Justin as the young man put his arms out for an embrace. "Brian."

As they hugged, Brian enjoyed the smell of Justin's hair and the warmth of the embrace. It truly felt good to feel his arms around Justin again. "Hey there. Good to see you."

"Good to see you, too. Can you believe it's been five years?"

"It's only time."

"So, I hear you need a place to live, eh?"

"That's the deal. Got something for me?" He asked, smiling, one eyebrow raised with double entendre.

Justin returned a glance that told Brian he understood his hidden meaning. "Sure, let me show you the apartment."

Lindsay accompanied the men up the stairs and they looked around. Justin narrated as he went. "Here is your entryway. The living room is here and the kitchen is here. The appliances are pretty new. No imported Italian fixtures, I'm afraid, but they _are_ high end."

"Not bad." Brian commented.

"Here's the master bedroom. There's enough room for that _bed slash altar_ of yours that I assume you still have."

"Oh, yeah." Brian flashed on the first time he took Justin to that bed. It was a pleasant memory.

"The second bedroom is here. It might be good for an office or just extra storage for you."

"Initially, storage, then office."

"Whatever you want. Listen, I have to go. There are some things I have to take care of at the gallery. Here's your key. Rent is due at the end of the month. Phone and cable guys have been called to meet you here tomorrow. I have a wireless router that you can pick up here. I wrote down all of the info I could think of on the paper on the kitchen counter."

"Thanks, Justin. This is great."

Lindsay commented, too. "It's a lovely place."

Justin turned before leaving. "I hope you're happy here, Brian." The men hugged again.

"It's a great place to start my new fabulous life in Toronto." Brian smiled at Justin.

"We'll have dinner later this week and catch up, OK?"

"Great."

"OK. 'Bye."

"Bye."

Brian watched Justin leave and then turned to look at Lindsay. He didn't like the look on her face. It was like she was trying to read his mind. "What?"

"Just the way you look at him. You still like him, don't you? I would even go so far as to say you still love…"

"Hold it right there, Linz. I never loved him. Even if I did … it was years ago." He didn't want Lindsay to think there was going to be anything going on between him and Justin. "I'm just happy to see him be such a successful man. It's what I told him I wanted for him the last time I saw him." He paused, remembering the painful day of their parting. He pushed the memory out of his head and concentrated on the task at hand. "Now, help me with these bags, will ya?"


	6. Chapter 6

_April 30, 2006_

_Dear Rage, _

_I saw Brian today for the first time in five years. He's just as handsome and just as irresistible as ever. Lindsay brought him here after visiting Gus at her place. When we hugged, I felt my heart beat faster. I would have loved to kiss him, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I was nervous, happy, scared … all at the same time. I was that teenager all over again. It'll be great having him living in my building. It'll be great having him in my life again. _

_I'm still getting over the fact that Wes and I broke up. He was great, but our feelings for each other, although strong, weren't enough to keep us together. He got the job opportunity in Miami and I didn't want to hold him back. I wish him well._

_What do I want as far as relationships right now? I don't know. Would I want to pick up with Brian again? Hell yes. He's so fucking hot. Sex with him was always the best. I truly care about him._

_I'm not going to be that kid, though, and let him walk all over me. If we take up with each other again we're going to have to have some rules and he's not going to control me like I'm a puppet on a string. I'm older and wiser._

_I keep having flashbacks – memories from my youth. He told me the first time we had sex that he always wanted me to remember it so that no matter who I was with, he'd always be there. He always __has__ been there. _

_When I was eighteen years old I was convinced that I loved him. Seeing him today, I don't think that I ever stopped loving him. _

_- - - JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_April 30, 2006_

_I saw Justin today. It's been five years. Damn, he still looks good. The apartment that I'll be renting from him is sufficient – a good place to start my new life here. _

_He and I just talked for a little while. It felt good to just hug him. He gave me the tour, but then he had to run off to his gallery. That little shit is actually part owner of a gallery. Good for him. _

_Seeing him again today was really like a jump back in time or something. He's older, sure. His hair is different – a little longer. It's sexy that way. He's still hot. I want to run my hands through that hair. I wouldn't mind fucking him again. _

_I'm feeling incredibly happy right now. I'm looking forward to living in Toronto. I'm looking forward to spending time with Gus and Lindsay. And Justin … Why does seeing him make me so happy? I'll analyze it later, right now, after unpacking all day; I'm just looking forward to sleep._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 2, 2006_

_Dear Rage, _

_I keep missing Brian. He must be working, working out, or, if I know him, looking for the next piece of hot ass. Some things never change. _

_It just seems that I'm coming home just as he's going out or the other way around. I finally caught up with him long enough today to invite him over for dinner this Friday at six. I think I'll cook up some chicken breasts. As long as we're eating before seven pm, I can probably get him to eat some pasta, too. _

_I'm still not sure about him – I mean how I feel about him. I know he's a great guy and loyal to his friends. He's moved to Toronto to be the great dad I always knew he could be. But, it's like, when I talk to him, I'm not sure what he's thinking. My ability to read him has slipped, I'm afraid._

_I can tell he likes being here and has settled in to his new life. Right now, I'm just happy that we can be in the same building and will hopefully enjoy each other's company, wherever this goes._

_- - - JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~May 5, 2006~~

Justin checked himself in the mirror again. Allowing for 'fashionably late' that meant that Brian should be there any minute. Sure enough, there was a knock at the door.

Justin opened it. "Hey, Brian. Come in." They hugged.

"I brought a bottle of white wine."

"Excellent. Chardonnay, my favorite. Dinner's ready. Let's sit and eat."

"Great."

They sat down and Justin served up two dishes.

"Not jambalaya?" Brian asked with a grin.

"No, I've expanded my culinary repertoire. It's chicken parmesan with angel hair pasta and salad."

Brian tasted the first bite of his chicken. "Not bad at all."

"Thanks." Justin was happy to have this time with Brian. He'd always meant so much to him and he was glad to be able to share a meal. It felt like a lifetime ago since they parted. So much had happened since then.

"So, tell me about the gallery. You're part owner?"

"Yeah. When I got to Toronto I started working in some local galleries and tried to get them to show my paintings with _some_ success. I met Christian Banner and we hit it off."

Brian looked up with a quizzical expression. "Is he straight?"

Justin smiled. "Yes. He's married with two great kids. We talked about our dream of owning a gallery someday. We said we'd go in on one when we got a chance. When I was in my last semester of college, he called me and told me that the gal who owned a little gallery was retiring. He and I had worked for her one summer. I had some money. He had some money. I borrowed from my mom and even Lindsay and Mel loaned me a few bucks. It worked out and we bought the place. We've since paid mom and the girls back. We're doing pretty well."

"Be a big fat, fucking success, Justin. It pisses off the heterosexuals."

"One of them is my business partner, Brian."

"OK, well, piss them all off except him." They laughed.

"How about you, Brian? I heard that your ad firm did really well."

"Sold it for ten mil'. So, yeah. I only put a couple of years in on my own shingle, but I built it up rather nicely."

"Lindsay told me that you called it Kinney and Company? I always thought that a better name would've been Kinnetik with two ns."

"Shit, that's good."

Justin smiled. "Tell me about the gang back in Pittsburgh. How are Michael and Ted and everybody?"

"Ted is back with Blake and they are living a stimulant free existence at Ted's. Emmett is with Calvin, some guy he knew back in Hazlehurst, Mississippi. Michael and Ben and their adopted juvenile delinquent, Hunter, are being the picture of domestic bliss. Hunter is going to college on a swimming scholarship."

"I've seen Michael and Mel's daughter, Jenny Rebecca. She's a little sweetie. I babysit for Lindsay and Mel every now and then."

"So, you've seen Gus."

"Yes, he's great. He loves to draw. He's all you, Brian: the eyes, the hair … the stubbornness."

Brian gave Justin a 'what me?' look. They talked and laughed while they finished their meal. The dishes were cleared and loaded into the dishwasher through their combined efforts. They brought their wine glasses into the living room. As they sat down Brian smiled and pulled a joint out of his pocket. He looked at his friend questioningly. Justin nodded. Brian lit it up and took a first drag, then passed it. As Justin took a drag, he felt a familiar wave of happiness come over him … the familiar buzz of a little alcohol, a little pot, and he was sure the company had something to do with it as well. They resumed their conversation and continued to get caught up.

Brian said, "So, tell me about Wes."

"Oh, Lindsay told you about him, eh?"

"Not a lot. Just that he lived here with you and then moved away."

"Wes is a great guy. Hot bod – like cover of_ Fitness magazine_ hot. I met him at the gym and we fucked in the shower. After that we dated and slept together all of the time. Then he needed a place to stay, so I offered that he could stay here. It was great for a while. He's kind of slob, though, and I was always picking up his clothes."

"I know how irritating that can be." Brian shot Justin a glance, implying that the young blond was a similar slob once.

Justin rolled his eyes. "Shut up. Anyway, with his acting career he got a job offer in Miami. I was sorry to have to let him go, but I couldn't hold him back either."

"It was tough on you?"

"Yeah. I kinda knew how you must've felt turning me away to go to college." Justin looked at Brian and saw the flash of pain at the memory of when they parted. Then, Brian's face returned to its normal mask like appearance, after which a smile appeared.

"How big is his dick?"

"Brian, it's not always about that."

"Sure it is."

Justin gave him a look and then licked his lips. "Eight inches, cut." He closed his eyes and sighed, remembering Wes and his beautiful body.

"Fuck."

"Yeah, we did. A lot."

"So, how long has it been since you got any?"

Justin gave Brian a light punch on his shoulder. "None of your business, asshole." He smiled. "I'm taking a break for a while. I've got this opening … _gallery_ opening … in a few weeks and I'm concentrating on that."

"Too bad."

"I'm not ready to date anyone right now."

"Who said anything about dating? I'm talking about fucking."

"Right. Same Brian we know and love." Brian shot him a glance. "Same old Brian."

"Not _that_ old." They both snickered. The last of the joint was gone and Brian snuffed it out. "Well, we're out of wine and drugs. You said no fucking, so, I guess I'm outta here."

"I didn't realize that you were offering."

"Hey, I'm always on the prowl, you know that. The stud of Liberty Avenue?"

Justin chuckled. "You'll have to change that now to the stud of Church Street." He crinkled his nose. "Doesn't have quite the same ring to it. We'll have to come up with a new title."

"You work on that, Sunshine." Brian got up to leave.

"Did you just call me Sunshine?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. You have a problem with the name?"

"I guess not. It just took me back."

"Any time you want another trip down memory lane, let me know." He kissed Justin on the cheek. They hugged.

"I'll keep that in mind. But … just friends, OK?"

"Yeah, Justin. Whatever you want."

"OK. Goodnight."

"'Night."

Justin leaned against the door. He knew that in 'the old days' they would have been tearing each other's clothes off and fucking each other's brains out. But, the time wasn't right for him, just getting over Wes. There was also the knowledge that Brian was just looking for another conquest in his new city with fresh meat. Justin wanted to feel, in his heart, that Brian would return to him more than once and that they could establish, dare he think it, a relationship.


	7. Chapter 7

_May 5, 2006_

_This evening I went to Justin's for dinner. He's become quite the cook, it seems. His chicken parmesan was as good as you'd get from any restaurant. I brought a bottle of wine, which he really liked. Between the two of us we polished it off. I also brought a joint which we shared, just like old times. _

_God, it was good to spend time with him again. We talked about my ad business. We talked about his college years. It sounds like he dated around and had a few boyfriends, but nothing too serious. __His most recent was some fellow named Wes. They lived together, but Wes got a job offer out of town and Justin let him go__. He sounds disappointed, but not brokenhearted. _

_I got him caught up with the gang back in the Pitts. After dinner Justin and I just sat on the couch and talked for hours. He's so easy to talk to. _

_We were hot and heavy for about a year and then had five years away from each other. That's kind of an odd basis for a friendship. Of course, the fact that I know he's great in bed (or was) constantly runs through my mind. Looking back at my journal of the last five years, there were some pretty great fucks, but nobody with a 5/5 overall score. _

_So, how do I feel about him now? I like him. I like hanging around with him. I admire the fact that he's become successful on his own. Since we have some history, it's easy for him to relate to where I came from. _

_We just hugged to say goodnight. Do I want to fuck him again? Hell yes. _

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 10, 2006_

_I ran into Justin again today. You'd think it'd be inevitable, living in the same building, but I always seem to miss him. He paints during the day when the morning sun comes into his sunroom downstairs. Then afternoons and part of the evening he's working at the gallery._

_My schedule is to get up early and make some business contacts. I've done some consulting on a couple of different accounts for my friend Vince who runs a nice little ad firm here in Toronto. After the morning meetings with him and his team, I have the rest of the day to myself. I hit the gym most days, then I pick Gus up after school and watch him until Lindsay or Mel gets home and then I usually take off after that. Sometimes I'm watching Jenny Rebecca, too. She's a doll. Sometimes I'll have dinner there, but Lindsay and Mel are up to their necks in wedding plans. Jesus! It's bad enough they had ONE wedding, now they have to do it all again? At least I don't have to plan __this__ one for them. And, of course, I didn't actually attend the last ceremony because I won those tickets to the White Party in Miami. I had __way__ more fun there._

_So, when I'm out in the morning, Justin is home. By the time I get back in the afternoon - he's out. By the time he gets back – I've gone to hit Church Street. I don't think he hits the bars that much these days. He's been busy with work._

_But today I didn't have any meetings, so, while sipping my morning coffee, I could see Justin painting. I can see into his sunroom from my balcony. God, he's so hot when he's painting. I just stood there and watched him for half an hour, sporting wood, then decided that that was stupid. I poured some coffee into a mug and brought it downstairs to him. I still remember how he likes his coffee._

_He was pleased to see me and showed me the painting he was working on. He's fucking brilliant. I might not know a lot about art history or the masters or any of that shit, but, damn, I like the abstract work he's doing now. _

_As I was leaving to go pick up Gus, I hugged Justin for a little while. He smelled so good. We kissed goodbye – no tongue – but a nice soft kiss._

_What's happened to me? Normally, I'm rating cocksucking abilities and now I'm writing about a kiss. Well, as long as I'm at it._

_He's about 5'8" with blond hair. _

_Name: Justin_

_Info: artist, perfect ass_

_Kissing: *****_

_Overall: (potential) 5 / 5_

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 14, 2006_

_Tux fitting day. I'm not really into monkey suits, but Lindsay insisted that I get one for the wedding. I told her that Mel was the only one that needed to be in a tux. I like a nice regular suit, but, I don't know why, I find tuxes to be so confining. When I went to Justin's prom I didn't even tie the tie around my neck. _

_Anyway, I'll have a black tux with a gray shirt and a black bow tie. Mel's friend Leda will be in a gray dress, which, reportedly, she hates. I can't wait to hear her bitch about it all day. Actually, it'll be funny. I'll be sure to give her shit. I wonder if they'll make her wear heels, too. _

_Justin and I rode together to get fitted for our tuxes today. When he came out in his tux, he took my breath away. As an usher, he has a white shirt and gray bow tie like he wore to prom. His hair is longer, but he had it all combed back. He looked just like he did at prom. His blue eyes sparkled and he looked so fucking irresistible. He saw me smile at him and asked me how he looked. _

"_Beautiful." I said. Just beautiful._

_- B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_May 19, 2006_

_The wedding is tomorrow. Michael and Ben are up from Pittsburgh, along with Debbie and Carl. Ted will be in tomorrow with Blake. I've heard that Emmett is going to be here with Cal, too. Mikey will be watching J.R. during the day and I'll have Gus, the ring bearer. Justin and I are supposed to pick him up around 10 a.m. At the reception, Deb and Carl will take the kids back home and watch them overnight. I'll be happy to have a day with Gus, but I'll also be glad to hand him off so I can enjoy the rest of my evening._

_I think I'll request "Save the Last Dance for Me", the song that Justin and I danced to at his prom. Now, if I can just remember the dance. It'll be good to recreate the happier part of that evening._

_I find myself thinking about him all of the time. I fantasize and imagine doing all kinds of things to him. The sex was always so great. He had this adventurous 'go at it' quality to any sexual encounter that was like nothing I've ever known before or since._

_When we had dinner one of those first nights I was in Toronto, we agreed that we'd just be friends. He was just getting over Wes and I was just looking forward to scoring all of the fresh meat in town. It's been great tricking around. There are some hot guys here. The thing is, the more I spend time with Justin, the less I want anyone else. God, what has happened to me? _

_As long as we've avoided jumping into bed together, I've been able to imagine maintaining my fabulous single life. I'm afraid that as soon as I fuck him, if and when that happens, it won't be so easy for me to not have him on a regular basis. It's like I get addicted to him. God knows, I've had my share of drugs and alcohol in my day. I think I've avoided any addiction, but Justin…?_

_When he left for college it took me … a long time to get over him._

_- B_


	8. Chapter 8

~~May 20, 2006~~

The weather was beautiful for the day of the wedding. Brian and Justin picked up Gus and his mini tux at 10 am, as promised. Daphne surprised everyone by showing up. She told everyone she didn't want to miss such a special occasion with all of her friends from Pittsburgh.

The ceremony went beautifully. Gus did his ring bearing with pride and right on cue. The reception was held at a nice banquet hall just north of Church Street. After the meal, Debbie and Carl collected the grandkids and brought them back to Lindsay and Mel's. Some of the guests, including Jennifer and Molly Taylor, excused themselves.

As planned, Brian requested 'Save the Last Dance for Me'. Justin was happy to recreate their prom dance. Brian remembered most of the dance steps. As before, as the dance was ending, Brian swept Justin up in his arms and kissed him passionately. It was the first time they kissed that deeply in years. Justin was happy with the kiss. He didn't know, however, if Brian was really showing a need for him, or just caught up in recreating prom night. Daphne was warmed at the sight of it all and hoped that the two guys would get together again.

As Daphne was getting ready to go, she looked for Justin to say goodnight to him. She found him in the lobby. "There you are. I thought maybe Brian dragged you into a coat closet or something."

"Why would he do that?"

"Oh, come on, Justin. The way he danced with you – just like prom. The way he kissed you, oh, my God." She sighed.

"I think he was just enjoying remembering, that's all."

"You really have lost your Brian radar, haven't you? He's obviously into you."

"We agreed to just be friends." He looked for Brian and saw him talking to Michael. "Do you really think he wants more than that?"

"I think you need to fuck him. Soon. You're still crazy about him, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"It's not still about getting over Wes, is it?"

"No."

"Did you like the way Brian kissed you during the dance?"

"It was _so_ hot."

"And the sex was always …"

"Fantastic."

"So, what else do you need?"

"I need him to tell me that he wants me. I … I just can't be sure until then."

Lindsay and Mel said goodbye to all of their remaining guests. Brian kissed Lindsay and chucked Mel on the shoulder.

It was time to take Justin home. _And then what?_ He decided to try flirting with Justin to see if he was interested. He found him saying goodbye to Daphne. "Justin, let's get out of here. Goodnight, Daphne."

As they drove back to the two flat, Justin rambled about how lovely the wedding was and how much fun the party was.

"That doesn't have to be the end of the evening, you know." Brian put his hand on Justin's thigh.

Justin just looked out of the window, stretched and yawned. "Why are weddings so exhausting?"

Brian put his hand back on the steering wheel. "Never liked them myself." He knew that if he slept with Justin he might get too emotionally involved, so he thought better of any advances. The blond didn't seem too interested, anyway. _Probably just as well._

They reached home and gave each other a quick hug and kiss goodnight at Justin's door. Brian walked up to his apartment and took his jacket off, then looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn't shake the feelings he was having. There was an ache inside that was too urgent to deny. _I have to have him now._

"Fuck it."

Brian went back downstairs and knocked on Justin's door.

Justin answered the door. "Did I forget something in your car or something?"

"I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"Pretend that I don't want to be with you."

"I thought that we were just going to …"

"Fuck that. I spent years wondering what happened to you … missing you. Now that I've seen you again and spent time with you, I want you … not just in my life, but in my bed."

"Brian, I … I want that, too. I just didn't think that you did."

They kissed passionately and wrapped their arms around each other. As the kiss broke, Justin said, "When we danced tonight I felt like I was eighteen again with you sweeping me off of my feet."

"Ridiculously romantic, all over again."

Justin took Brian by the hand and let him into the bedroom. "Let's see how much else we can remember."

As they neared the foot of Justin's bed, Brian spun him around to face him. He latched onto Justin's mouth and his tongue demanded entrance, which was given. Both sets of hands reached to unfasten buttons and quickly both shirts were on the floor. After a few minutes of passionate kissing, Justin started to kiss and lick his way down Brian's chest. As he got to his knees and licked at Brian's navel, the pants just below it were unfastened. Justin's tongue worked its way south and began a hot and heavy blow job on the stiff cock in front of him.

Brian tilted his head back and ran the fingers of his right hand through the shaggy blond locks in front of him. Justin stopped before he could reach a peak. He said, "I don't want you to lose that hard on."

"No, we wouldn't want that, would we? Get the rest of your clothes off _right now_."

Justin obliged and reclined on the bed as Brian dispensed with the rest of his clothing, too. The blond smiled as Brian crawled and licked his way up his body. He stopped at various points of interest along the way. There was the blow job, the navel 'exploration', the nipple biting and the licking and sucking of earlobes. All of these actions were met with appreciative moans from Justin.

Brian was on top of the younger man whose legs instinctively parted to accommodate his body. As they ended another passionate kiss, Justin said, "Condoms and lube are in the nightstand drawer."

"Good to know, but I'm not ready for them yet. Roll over." He pushed gently on Justin's side. With the young man on his stomach, Brian began a new tongue attack of the body before him. This time it started at the back of the blond mane and worked down his back to the curvaceous ass. Brian couldn't wait to dive into those familiar musky depths again. He licked the cheeks as he parted them with his hands. He pulled Justin's hips off of the bed slightly to give himself better access to the prize waiting for him. Brian's tongue began to lick and probe Justin's entrance.

"Oh, God, Brian!"

Brian chuckled, but continued his tongue fucking. His strong hands held Justin in place to prevent him from bucking out of position.

"Fuck! That feels so good. You're going to make me come!"

The tongue stopped long enough to say, "Then come." Brian stroked Justin's cock and pressed on his balls. The rim job became even more intense.

"Jesus! That's it! Fuck!" Justin came and exploded into Brian's hand. "Oh, my God! Bri-aaaaahhhh!" Brian moved his hands away and Justin collapsed onto the bed into his own cum.

Brian went to the drawer and got a condom and quickly slipped it on. Before Justin could fully recover from his orgasm, Brian had lubed him and was on top of him again, this time pushing his fingers inside the still quivering entrance. "Do you want me to fuck you, Justin?"

"Yes! Do it!"

"Do you want my cock?"

"Yes, oh God, yes. Fucking do it. I've wanted you for so long."

With that, Brian pushed himself inside tender ass beneath him. "Yes, Justin. So tight."

"Fuck, yes!" Justin gasped for air. "You feel so good."

"I'm going to fuck you so hard you can't sit down for a week."

They continued in a passionate rhythm for some time. For Brian the feelings were back. Every smell, every taste of Justin, every push inside his body made Brian crazy with desire. It was familiar, intense and hot. There was dash of fear in his emotions, too. He'd avoided any sexual contact with Justin for fear of losing himself or control of his emotions. But at this moment, this precise moment inside Justin, the most prevalent thing in his mind was how good this was and how much he needed it.

He paused for a moment to nudge Justin onto his back. Penetration was re-established and fucking started all over again. Passionate kisses were exchanges with tongues in full play. Brian began to sweat from the effort. Justin was moaning and exclaiming. "Fuck, yes." He began to grab his cock and pump it to achieve another release. He continued until he said, "Oh god, yes... I'm going to … Brian!" He came again with spurts all over his chest.

Brian gasped and pumped faster, knowing is own peak was around the corner. He didn't want it to end, but the feelings were too much for him. He could feel the tingle in his cock and the warmth that began deep within him surged through him as he came. "Oh, Fuck!" He knew, without a doubt, that nothing with anyone else had ever felt like this. As he rode the last wave of passion, he collapsed onto the blond's body. "Fan-fucking-tastic, Justin. Always great."

"I'm not that inexperienced kid anymore."

Brian smiled as he pulled out and disposed of the condom. "Maybe so." He reclined on the bed and took the young man into his arms. They kissed. "You were a natural from the start, Sonny Boy."

Justin beamed. "You think so? That year that we were together you taught me a lot."

"An education before I sent you off to get an education?"

"Something like that."

Brian's hazel eyes shone as he looked into Justin's baby blues. He realized that at this time of great happiness, there was still a bit of fear clutching at his chest, squeezing his heart. He had guessed that sex with Justin would only increase his need for the blond. Sure enough, that's what had happened. He kissed Justin tenderly and then his tongue demanded entrance. As he kissed him he knew that he was truly fucked. He could try to fool himself into thinking that other men could satisfy him. But, now that he'd had Justin in bed again, he would only want more.

As their kiss and embrace ended, Justin went to the bathroom. As he returned, Brian was under the covers.

Justin was surprised. "Staying here, I see?"

"That was my plan."

"Good." They kissed.

Brian moved his arm out so Justin could snuggle in. They both enjoyed the familiarity of being with each other again.

Brian asked, "Up for another round?"

Justin yawned, "Maybe after a bit of a nap, OK?"

"OK. Good day today, though."

"Mmm hmm."

"Ended well."

"Yes, definitely."

"Good night, Justin."

"Good night, Brian."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

In the morning, Brian awoke first and went to the kitchen to make coffee and find something for breakfast for Justin and himself. As he flipped the switch to turn the coffeemaker on, he felt arms wrap around his waist from behind. There was a naked blond at his back. "Good morning, Justin."

"'Morning." Justin kissed his back.

Brian turned around and they shared a sweet kiss. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great. And you?"

"Very well. Something about a full day of babysitting, attending a wedding, dancing and fucking made it easy to sleep."

They kissed again.

Brian looked into the blue eyes gazing back at him. "That and, well, it was nice to be here with you."

"Why, Brian. That was almost sweet."

"Shhhh. Don't tell anyone."


	9. Chapter 9

~~ Early Summer 2006 ~~

Life continued on for Brian and Justin. They spent time together about every other day. Sometimes Justin would go upstairs and bring a few beers to consume while they would talk about their day. When Justin set up Skype at his place to call Emmett, Brian, was in the background making faces and obscene gestures. Brian tried cooking once or twice, to disastrous results, so it was agreed that Justin was the better cook.

They would meet at a local bar once in a while. Sometimes they'd go home with each other, but there were times that one of them would pick up a trick. Brian had promised himself that the new town was going to mean fresh men to choose from and he couldn't give it up. Justin, too, was enjoying his 'post-Wes' freedom. Although times with Brian were always special, that didn't mean that he wanted to be exclusive, either. They were both happy with their open relationship.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Justin's diary ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_July 10, 2006_

_Dear Rage, _

_I saw Brian again tonight. I made his new favorite, eggplant parmesan. We sipped wine and watched "Giant" with James Dean. Brian loves that movie. We made love and he's now sound asleep in my bed._

_I don't know why I did it, but, during sex I yelled out "I love you." I've known for some time that I feel that way about him. I was holding off telling him because I didn't want him to freak out or anything. When I was seventeen and told him I loved him he just shrugged it off as puppy love and didn't worry too much about it. Now we're both men and things are different._

_So, there we are, mid-fuck, I'm about to come and I yell it out. He stopped for a second, but then kissed me and continued to drive me over the edge. After he … finished … we got out of bed to take a shower. He held my face in his hands and told me (again) that he doesn't believe in love. I told him I didn't expect him to return the sentiment. Then he told me that he cared about me and we kissed. Thank God he didn't freak out. _

_I feel his love for me all of the time. I know how he feels about me. Whether or not the words can ever fall from his mouth, who can say? But, the love is there._

_- - - JT_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~August 1, 2006~~

One morning Brian was in Justin's kitchen, fresh from the shower, wearing nothing but a towel. He was making coffee when there was a knock at the door. "Hey, Justin." Brian could hear the shower running and knew that the blond couldn't hear him, so he decided to answer the door himself. He opened the door and saw a handsome young man standing there.

The guy eyed Brian over once and then asked, "Is Justin here?"

"Yeah, and who the hell are you?" Brian asked squinting against the morning sun.

"Wes Carmichael. An old … friend. And who the hell are you?"

Brian remembered Justin's description of Wes very well. He was as described: tall, muscular, handsome and a little cocky. "Brian Kinney." He waved Wes in the door. "Justin is finishing a morning shower. Coffee?"

"Sure. So, you're the famous Brian."

"I'm _infamous_."

"Of course."

"What northern wind blows you into town?" Brian asked as he placed a mug of coffee on the counter for Wes.

"My cousin just had a kid, so I'm in town to visit family. Do you live here now? I thought you were in Pittsburgh."

"Was in the Pitts, now here." Brian didn't want to divulge any more. He was still unsure of Wes and didn't want to give him too much information.

Justin walked into the kitchen, naked, rubbing a towel over his hair. "Were you on the phone, Brian?"

"No, just chatting with Wesley here." Brian said in a British accent.

"Wes!" Justin took the towel from his head and quickly wrapped it around himself.

Brian snickered. "It's not like he hasn't seen it before."

Justin asked Wes, "What are you doing here?" He tucked the towel around his waist and gave him a hug and a kiss.

"I was just telling Brian, I'm in town to visit family."

"I'll leave you two to catch up." Brian said as he kissed Justin and swatted him on the ass. He headed off to the bedroom to get dressed.

Justin jumped a little at Brian's actions and then smiled at Wes as he returned to his questions. "How's the new job?"

"Great. I'm in about every other episode, so the money is pretty good."

"Cool." Justin paused. "So, you met Brian."

"Yes."

"He, um, lives upstairs."

"And just comes down here for showers and coffee?"

"We're seeing each other again." He shrugged. "It was five years apart, but we're back together."

"But you don't live together?"

"No. I mean, we still fuck other guys. We're not monogamous. I wouldn't mind it, but he's not ready."

"So, back to the same old routine with him?"

"It's different now. When I was eighteen in Pittsburgh, I was just a kid and crazy about him. Now I'm making my own decisions. Sometimes I share a bed with him, sure, but it's my call."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"When the time is right we might move in together, but, for now, this is what I want."

Wes went to a local bar with Justin and Brian. They got caught up about Wes's acting job and the gallery. At one point, Justin's phone rang. "The gallery, I have to get this." After a short conversation, he ended the call. "I have to go to the gallery for a while. Something about damage to a piece there. My night manager is freaking out. I don't know how long it'll be. Will you guys be OK?"

Wes said, "Sure."

Brian said, "I can drop him at his mom's after this round."

Justin smiled. "Great." He kissed Brian and whispered in his ear. "'Love you." They smiled at each other. "Bye, Wes. Take care." Justin gave him a quick kiss and ran off.

Wes said to Brian, "Busy guy, eh?"

"He's always on the move with the gallery. He paints a lot, too. I love watching him paint. He's so hot when he paints." Just thinking about it made Brian hard and he had to shift himself to adjust.

"Are you getting hard?"

"None of your business." Brian responded derisively.

"I can help you with that, if you'd like." Wes traced his fingers up Brian's thigh.

Brian batted his hand away. "What, now that he's out of the place, you're all over me? Fuck off."

"Oh, come on. I see you checking me out. We could go back to your place and fuck all night." He stepped closer to speak into Brian's ear. "Or, this'd be cool, we could go to Justin's and when he gets back he finds us naked in his bed and we do a three way."

Brian considered the idea. Justin said that sex with Wes was great and then there _was_ the mention of the size of his dick. Brian immediately started to think of positions that the three of them could use to satisfy themselves. He knew he wouldn't mind a shot at Wes's ass.

He thought better of it, though. Justin broke up with Wes. They were obviously still friends, but he didn't think, or want to assume that, Justin would want to jump back in the sack with him. Besides, Brian always did the initiating. He wasn't going to let this guy seduce him. Nor was he sure he wanted to share Justin with him.

"Sounds tempting, but, no thanks." He got off his bar stool and took a step away.

"What's the matter?" Wes got a pouty look on his face. "Don't want to share your toys?"

Brian began to get his coat on and handed Wes his. "Justin is not my _toy_. If anything is going to happen between the three of us, I'll let _him_ make the call." He put a slight grimace on his face. "I wouldn't count on that happening."

Wes's eyebrows went up as a look of realization came over his face. "Oh, I see."

"What?" Brian wondered what was going through this guy's mind.

"You're in love with him."

"No. And what the fuck business is it of yours, anyway?" Brian glared at him and turned to walk outside. He lit a cigarette.

Wes looked into Brian's face. "You don't want him to be with anyone else."

"He fucks around. We've done three ways a couple of times recently."

"Yeah, OK, with nameless tricks. Not with someone he cares about like me."

"_I_ don't care about you at all." He pulled a ten out of his pocket. "Here's cab fare. Go home to your mommy." Brian turned and walked away. He got in his car and drove home.

Justin returned home a half an hour later. He found Brian watching TV and having a beer. "Hey."

"Hey, Justin."

"Did you get Wes off OK?"

"Not the way _he_ wanted."

"What?"

"He generously offered to fuck me, or us. But, I declined."

"He what?"

"Wanted to fuck me." He shrugged as he turned to look at the TV again. "Everybody wants me."

Justin sat next to Brian and looked at him intently. "He really asked to …"

"He thought it'd be _cool_ (*air quotes*) if you came home and found us naked in bed together, waiting for your return."

The blond looked thoughtful. "Yeah, ya know that sounds like him. I saw him looking at you. He's such a slut."

"Yeah, well."

"And you turned him down? Why?"

Brian shrugged, and then screwed up his face. "I don't like it when someone tells me how my evening should end."

"Always the one in charge – the one on top."

"You got it." Brian pushed Justin onto his back on the couch as he landed on top of him. His mouth crashed onto Justin's and tongues played. As the kiss ended, Justin chuckled. Brian pulled back to look him in the eye. "What?"

"You missed the opportunity to sleep with Wes? He's a great lay."

Brian was slightly irritated. "Do _you_ want to fuck him? I'm sure you can still call him…"

"No, Brian. I only want you."

Brian smiled and then began kissing the blond's neck and shoulder. In between kisses he spoke. "And the guy … you picked up from … the gallery last month … and …"

"No, I'm done with that."

Brian's lips remained at Justin's ear. "Hmmm?"

"I don't want anyone else. Seeing Wes today made me realize that. I still think he's hot, but I don't want him. No one but you." He paused and looked into Brian's hazel eyes. "Don't worry; I don't expect you to do the same."

Brian searched his face and saw the look of love in his blue eyes. He realized what Justin was saying. Justin wasn't going to sleep with anyone else. He was his and his alone. True to Brian's nature, however, he couldn't make the same commitment. He looked at his lover, but couldn't think of what to say.

Justin shook his head a little as if to say 'don't speak'. He whispered, "Make love to me tonight. Stay here. I want to hold you all night." Brian simply responded by standing up and reaching for Justin's hand. They went to the bedroom, undressed and did just that. Brian expressed his feelings for Justin the best way he knew how … in bed


	10. Chapter 10

~~October 25, 2006~~

Brian returned home from watching Gus one afternoon. Two minutes later there was a knock at the door.

"Justin. Come in."

"Brian, we need to talk."

"Yeah?" He motioned for him to enter and sit on the couch.

"I have a problem."

"What's wrong?"

Justin sighed. "My mom called and told me that the house she's having built isn't going to be done until the end of November. The trouble is she's ended her lease on the apartment in anticipation of being able to move to the new place."

"Can't she just extend the lease?"

"The apartment complex has already made an agreement with a new renter for more money. They've told mom that she has to be out by the end of the month, per the agreement."

"So, where the hell are she and Molly going to go?"

Justin looked at Brian with trepidation. "I was wondering if they could have your apartment."

"Oh, I see. And where the fuck am I supposed to go?"

"Live with me here, Brian."

"Oh, no." Brian turned to walk to the kitchen and Justin followed.

"Why not? I won't charge you any rent." He caught up to him. "We're together at least one night a week. There's enough room. I've already got the king sized bed, or we can move yours down here."

"I've been living alone for about twenty years. I'm not so sure…"

"I _did_ live with you for a while, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." The memory of his time with teenage Justin came back to him in a flash.

"I'm not saying this has to be some great romantic combining of lives, Brian. I'm just asking that you do this for my mom."

"She's not my biggest fan. Nor am I hers."

"I don't want her to have to rent a motel room or something, but then again, I don't want to put you on the street, either. It's just until her place is done."

"Short term solution?"

"Yes. And if you can't stand me by the end of it, then you can have your own place back, or move out altogether. Whatever you want."

"So, you're kicking me out."

Justin put his arms out to his sides to show his exasperation. "I'm not kicking you out, asshole – I'm giving you an option to stay rent free at my place." He walked over to a window and looked outside with his arms crossed.

Brian watched him standing there. He smiled to himself. Justin was no longer the teenage boy who threw his clothes on the floor and wore his heart on his sleeve. This was a _man_. He went to college, worked towards the career he'd always wanted and achieved it. He did it all without Brian pushing him or helping him in any way. Justin was confident, sexy, smart, and accomplished; everything that Brian had wanted for him. "You've become your own man, Justin Taylor. You don't take shit from anybody, do you?"

The blond turned to him with a puzzled look on his face. "No, I guess I don't." He paused. "So, what do you want to do?"

Brian went up to Justin, smiled and put his arms around him. His put his left hand behind Justin's head as his fingers ran through the shaggy blond hair. "This is what I want." He placed his lips on Justin's and kissed him tenderly. "I want to live with you."

Justin smiled and hugged him. "Are you sure?"

"You might never get rid of me."

"I might never want to."

They kissed again. As the kiss ended, Justin looked intently at Brian. "We'll have to set up some rules."

Brian looked skyward. "Damn, I'm not going to like this after all."

Justin smiled. "Shut up. Just some guidelines … what we expect from each other."

"All right. Like what?"

"Are we going to be exclusive? I've already told you that _I'm_ not chasing anyone else. As for you, you can hardly bring guys home for sex if it's our apartment now."

"So maybe I only fuck around when I'm out."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know. It's a lot to think about." He considered a better response. "I can't promise that I won't turn down a blow job from some guy at a bar, but nothing beyond that."

Justin smiled. "That's OK. I know you can't fully dive into monogamy, considering your history."

Brian shrugged, "Yeah, well…"

The blond looked up into his new roommate's face. "It's fine. It'll be great having you here, being with you every night." His hands sensually slid from Brian's lower back to his ass.

"Am I going to have to put out every night to earn my keep?"

"You bet your ass you will."

"I'd rather bet _your_ ass."

They smiled at each other and kissed. A deal was made.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Brian's journal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

_October 28, 2006_

_Today I moved in with Justin so his mom and sister can have the upstairs apartment while their house is being completed. I managed to fit most of my stuff into the spaces he cleared for me. I'll go through my clothes and probably eliminate out of fashion things that have been lingering. Then I'll eliminate similar items from Justin's clothes. Although, I have to admit, his taste in clothes has refined a lot from the days to wearing long-sleeved tees with the number 23 on them, or "Too busy to fcuk". _

_Living here will be good, I think. We're still following our own schedules, but we'll try to have dinner together every night. After dinner, he'll go to the gallery for a while, but will be back in time for some quality time in the bedroom. In the future, it will be a little disconcerting, knowing that his mom and sister are a floor above us and can probably hear some of our louder vocalizations. We might have to be a little bit more discreet. Tonight, though, all bets are off and we're going full out. Life is good._

_-B_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ BJ

~~November 2, 2006~~

Justin went into the living room after dinner and found Brian typing on his computer. "What'cha doin'?"

"Finishing my journal entry for today."

"Journal? You? How long have you been doing that?"

"A few years. I was having trouble sleeping so someone suggested a journal to help me clear my head. It helped. Of course, it's also an excellent way of keeping track of any sexual conquests. They get rated on a five star rating scale."

Justin laughed. "I've been keeping a diary since I almost got bashed years ago. It's helped me work some things out, too. I don't keep track of guys on a 5-star scale, though." He smiled. "That's cool that you have a journal for your thoughts. Well, I will leave you to it."

"No, wait." Brian pulled Justin's arm. "I want you to read today's entry." As he pulled him to him, Justin straddled Brian's lap, facing him on the chair.

"It's your personal journal, Brian. I can't read that."

"It's OK if I _ask_ you to read it." Brian spun the desk chair around so Justin was facing the screen. "Read it out loud."

"You're sure."

"Yes."

Justin focused on the screen. "_I resisted living with Justin at first, but it's been OK. It's good having dinners together and sleeping together. The deal is that we could seek outside oral gratification, and I tried that once this week_." Justin paused and gave Brian a quick glance.

Brian did a one shoulder shrug and said, "Some guy at a bar wanted to do me a favor, so I didn't turn him down."

Justin nodded and said, "OK." He focused back on the screen. "_About 30 seconds into the session, I realized that I wasn't enjoying it at all. I told the guy, thanks but no thanks, zipped up and walked away_.

_Info: flirted with me, so I thought, 'what the hell?'_

_Cocksucking: ** (didn't finish)_

_Ass: ** (never went there)_

_Overall: 2 / 5 "_

The blond smiled and crinkled his nose. "No good, eh?"

Brian was kissing the blond's neck. "No. He sucked. And not in a good, life-affirming way."

Justin chuckled and continued reading. "_I'm going to tell Justin that I want us to be exclusive. I don't want to have anyone else and his ass is mine._" He pulled back and looked at Brian. "Really, Brian? Do you mean that?"

"If it's in my journal, it must be true." Brian said before kissing him. After the kiss, he spoke again, "Read the rest of it."

Justin's eyes sparkled with happiness, his love for Brian overcoming him. He sighed and said, "OK." He looked again at the screen and continued to read.

"_This is the only guy I'll ever want from now on. I lost him once, but never again. _

_Name: Justin Taylor, artist_

_Info: blond hair, blue eyes, slim, 5'8", great ass_

_Kissing: *****_

_Cocksucking: *****_

_Ass: *****_

_Overall: 5 / 5_

_This is my last entry. My search is over. I've found my true love, again._

_- B "_

Justin stared at the screen for a second and then looked at Brian. "I'm your true love?"

"Yes. I haven't found anyone like you, Sunshine. Perfect score – five out of five."

"And you love me?"

"Well, it says that you're my true love, but that doesn't mean…"

"Brian …"

Brian sighed and knew he'd been caught. This was the only man for him and there was no use fighting or denying it any more. "Yes, I love you."

"I love you, too." Justin pressed his lips to Brian's and they kissed with the emotion of the moment. They broke the kiss and smiled at each other. "You know, I want to be able maintain that perfect score, so I should keep my practice up." Justin climbed off of Brian's lap and started to head to the bedroom.

"That's not the only thing you need to keep up." Brian quipped as he followed.

"That's never been a problem."

"… Another reason you have a perfect score."

~ the end~


End file.
